So, as promised and as deserved, here is one last post for my semester at St Andrews. This post serves as my last thank you for now, which truly extends beyond this semester into the rest of my life:
Scotland, where to begin? From the first moment I stepped onto that green land that makes it home, up until my very last step onto the plane departing for home, you changed me––yet kept me.
I remember flying over green, green, green––endless green. It was everything I had imagined it would be. And it was everything I wanted. That green, that endless green that I had hoped for for so long was there below me, stretched out for miles under the clouds and into the vast fog that was the horizon. Land, sea and sky showed no end in sight, giving no clear marker as to where the future would lead, and is if there was and is no end. Infinite and eternal Scotland.
Once I had touched down onto that country that was in a way its own world, the work in my life really began. Of course, I was sleepless and therefore tired, but I was also stepping into a reality that had always been a dream.
When I woke, I absorbed the city streets paved by stone left unleveled and untouched by generations. I admired and still do admire the way that Scotland has preserved its original form; there is no building on top of building or destruction that has lead to remodeling––Scotland is as it has always been. It reminded me that I should stay as I have been made and how I have been formed for myself; there is no need to change my thoughts or my feelings for anything that moves my life or anyone that passes through it. I have to preserve myself, above all.
Scotland was the best thing that ever happened to me. Although, at times I felt my absolute worst. It’s a lot like love, really; you fall so far in love to the point that you reach a space where when things get bad, you’re left to echo in the deepest well of your own fears. There were very specific times in which I felt my worst. There were plenty of contributing factors, such as being 4,500 miles away from home, the stress of school and the consistent requirement to adapt. Of course, after each of these rock bottom moments, I was somehow made stronger. Scotland strengthened me in the way it loved me and I loved it.
My friend group was expanded as well. After having lived in the same place for over 20 years of my life, I was able to d0 a little soul-searching––other souls I could find friends in. I can name at least two beautiful souls that I will probably always stay in touch with. Friends are always blessings, and I definitely count Carly and Sian as two more blessings out of the many I received during my time in Scotland. Again, I never had to change for them, but somehow, the three of us fit together as friends. Scotland brought the three of us together.
Scotland brought a lot of things together for me, and brought me together as a whole. It’s hard to explain, but I’m doing everything I can to help you see why the world out there is so important. In case you’ve never traveled, in case you never want to, in case you’re content with contentment––see what you can, do what you can and don’t settle for what you’ve always known. I’ve never wanted more out of my life than now, and that’s a good thing. I don’t mean that I need more, but simply that I want more out of what I have to offer. I had a conversation with my brother just yesterday, and he told me exactly what I needed to hear: “You’re aiming too low. You can do more. You have the ability, it’s just a matter of doing it.” I think he’s right. And in all honesty, I had to push myself on that plane when I first left. Not because I didn’t want to go, but because I was scared of not knowing what four months in Scotland would entail. It really is the fear in thought that’s more belittling than the obstacles that you might face in your endeavors. I learned that. I just have to try. I don’t know what’s next for me, but I do know that I’m trying more than I ever have in my life. I want more out of my life. I have more to offer now.
As I sit here and type, I am doing all that I can to extend the pulse that remains from my adventures and my love for the world onto you. I hope with every key I find and type that you find your own key to life. I am eternally thankful for Scotland and now here I am to continue writing as I go along my way wherever else my life takes me. Please follow along. I will post the link to my new blog very soon.
Thanks for following me across the map and back home. I’d be happy to do the same for you.
With all the love in the world,